Survey Results

If, in a post-apocalyptic world, you find yourself locked in a warehouse that has an enormous supply of just one food, what would you hope for? What would you not hope for?

(UC#1.a) (not) Spam
(UC#1.c) Pasta / (not) Spam
(UC#2) Corn Dogs / (not) Tums
(UC#3) Dal Makhani ^[1] or if you want a single ingredient, black beans. What would you not hope for? Blue cheese ^[²^]
(UC#1-SU) Hope for “steel-cut oats”
(not) Burdoch Root ^[3]. (Real answer is a Japanese vegetable that was grown by my family in Japan for 400 years. It required 3 years of growing (dug up and replanted twice, then harvested in the 3rd year). It was called Konyaku and had the consistency of whale blubber ^[4]).
(UC#1) Hope for Cheezies ^[5] / (not) Vegi-burgers or anything containing zucchini
(UC#4) Microwave burritos / (not) menudo ^[⁶^]
(UC#1.b) Fritos / (not) Chicken soup

What is your favorite memory of Windows Vista?

(UC#4) “We’re all gonna die!” – the IT Crowd ^[⁷^]
(UC#1-SU) I have no memory of Windows Vista. Does it run on a Mac Air?
(UC#1.c) No favorite memory!
(UC#2) Aero (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windows_Aero)
(UC#1) Its demise.
(UC#3) The day is was able to transition to the Windows 7
(UC#1.b) What?

Favorite Led Zeppelin song?

(UC#4) Since I’ve Been Loving You
(UC#2) Friends
(UC#1.c) <none>
(UC#1-SU) I don’t know any songs by Led Zeppelin. Are they a band?
(UC#3) Since I’ve Been Loving You
(UC#1) Stairway to Heaven ^[⁸^]
(UC#1.b) No me gusta

Which sport would you choose if you could be a professional athlete?

(UC#4) Baseball
(UC#2) Tejo^[13]
(UC#3) Golfer
(UC#1.c) Basketball
(UC#1-SU) Swimming because that way you can’t see me sweat
(UC#1) Australian Rules Football. Go! Brisbane Lions! Go!
(UC#1.b) Soccer

Use the term “Razzle Dazzle” in a sentence.

(UC#4) No.
(UC#1.c) These candies are “Razzle Dazzle”
(UC#2) Use the term “Razzle Dazzle” in a sentence.
(UC#3) The running back showed some Razzle Dazzle as he ran through the defensive secondary.
(UC#1-SU) The circus was full of Razzle Dazzle sights and sounds.
(UC#1) I heard that the circus was full of Razzle Dazzle sights and sounds.
(UC#1.b) A Razzle Dazzle Christmas!

If you were Mr./Ms. BIG – king/queen of the world, what would your first decree be?

(UC#4) Capital Punishment for Telemarkers
(UC#3) Provide free access to first-world food and healthcare to all the world
(UC#2) English Spelling Reform
(UC#1.c) An end to Spam
(UC#1-SU) No war – peaceful resolution of all conflicts.
(UC#1) Performing rap music is punishable by 20 years in a forced labour camp listening to “Tiny Bubbles” ^[⁹^]
(UC#1.b) Everybody gets free food

You’re walking through the woods when you come across a black suitcase. It contains a million dollars and a bloodstained piece of paper with the word “don’t” written on it. Will you take the suitcase home with you or leave it?

(UC#4) Yes, no, maybe. This is stressing me out.
(UC#3) I would leave the suitcase, but stuff the money and note into my shorts and head to the police
(UC#1.c) Leave it! Creepiness written all over that!
(UC#2) Take it home
(UC#1-SU) Take it to the police
(UC#1) Take it. Clearly the note means “Don’t leave without this suitcase.”
(UC#1.b) Take it home then turn it in (UC#1.b claims she’d turn in all the money)

If you could learn any skill you want in the world without trying, which one would you pick?

(UC#4) Harpsichord, surfing, CSS, Spanish irregular verbs, ballet
(UC#3) Playing the Dobro
(UC#1-SU) Diving
(UC#2) Accordion
(UC#1.c) Become super athletic
(UC#1) To speak fluently in 20 or more different languages
(UC#1.b) Skating (ice, roller, in-line)

Which of the two animals’ sounds would you like to swap?

(UC#4) Donkey / Kitten; Lion / Hamster; Howler Monkey / Mosquito
(UC#3) A donkey (jackass) and a Republican US Representative
(UC#1-SU) Mouse & Lion.
(UC#1) Cat & Cow.
(UC#2) Cat/Shoebill
(UC#1.c) Cat / Dog
(UC#1.b) Owl / dog

If you could go back in time, would you still join WLBOTT? What would you do differently?

(UC#4) Big Texas YES. Wouldn’t change a thing…. everything is going according to the prophecy
(UC#2)
(UC#1.c) Big No. Just kidding. I would. Just kidding.
(UC#3) Yes. What would you do differently? Nada (or maybe help out my brother more)
(UC#1-SU) Sorry, I haven’t joined yet. But if I went back in time I would have not joined sooner.
(UC#1) Yes. Send links to more friends. And enemies….
(UC#1.b) I would remain single

How long do you think you’d survive in a zombie apocalypse?

(UC#4) Less than one minute. I’d be an early adapter.
(UC#3) 1 hour
(UC#1-SU) If I’m lucky (or unlucky, depending on your point of view), 1 day
(UC#1) 1 hour
(UC#1.c) Not long
(UC#2) 12 minutes
(UC#1.b) One day

If you were to be banned from your local library, what would be the reason?

(UC#4) Eating Cheetos while thumbing through the Gutenberg Bible
(UC#3) Silent but deadly gas releases ^[¹⁰^]
(UC#1-SU) Reach annual maximum borrowed book limit
(UC#1) Breaking wind ^[10]
(UC#1.b) Too loud! Shhhhhhh!
(UC#1.c) I am banned. No card!
(UC#2) I am banned. Illegal whaling.

What do you think your last meal would be if you were on death row?

(UC#4) All-you-can-eat cabbage rolls. I do not like cabbage rolls.
(UC#3) The Aggie Special from the diner across from my dorm in College Station circa 1979 – chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, onion rings, fries, hush puppies
(UC#1-SU) All desserts: chocolate cake, butter tarts, apple crisp, ice cream and coffee.
(UC#1) Cheezies
(UC#1.c) Good Texas BBQ
(UC#2) Threadgill’s mac ‘n’ cheese
(UC#1.b) Steak, well done (if being electrocuted)

Which species would be the rudest if all animals could talk?

(UC#4) Wasp, sea cucumber, cholera bacteria
(UC#1-SU) Crow
(UC#3) Cat
(UC#1) Warthog
(UC#2) Cats
(UC#1.c) Lions
(UC#1.b) Snake

What will people be nostalgic for in 500 years?

(UC#4) Mortality, morality, democracy, macaroni salad, Gorilla Glue
(UC#1-SU) Sitting around the TV watching their favorite show
(UC#1) Climate change
(UC#3) The remainder of our species would be nostalgic for earth since they are living on another rock since the earth will be uninhabitable.
(UC#1.c) Cheap everything
(UC#2) Cold
(UC#1.b) Personal space

What’s your least favorite planet?

(UC#4) Mercury, for obvious reasons
(UC#1-SU) Pluto – it opted out
(UC#1) Uranus. That planet is a real a**hole.
(UC#3) Mercury
(UC#1.c) Uranus
(UC#2) Mars
(UC#1.b) Pluto

What is the most useless skill you possess?

(UC#4) Memorizing the Act of Contrition
(UC#1-SU) Washing dishes by hand.
(UC#1) Repairing vacuum tube guitar amps
(UC#3) Snapping a football – haven’t had need for it in 47 years but could still do it if someone but their hands in the right place
(UC#2) Knowing all the lyrics to American Pie
(UC#1.c) Able to change all songs to Weird Al versions
(UC#1.b) Hmmmm…. Able to make really odd postures

What plant/animal would you like to be reincarnated as?

(UC#3) A chicken on the Hawaiian island of Kauai ^[1¹^]
(UC#4) Albatross, penguin, sardine, phytoplankton, sea cucumber, …..
(UC#1-SU) Canada Goose – regal and migrant ^[12]
(UC#1) Redwood Tree
(UC#2) Sunflower
(UC#1.c) Hydrangia
(UC#1.b) A rose bush (red)

What would be the worst thing to put into a piñata?

(UC#4) Baked beans
(UC#1-SU) Boiling water
(UC#3) Blue Cheese (see question 1) ^[²^]
(UC#1) Any effort
(UC#1.b) Flour
(UC#1.c) Slime
(UC#2) Borscht

If you were in a high-speed chase, what song would you want blaring on the radio?

(UC#4) Radar Love
(UC#1-SU) Johnny Be Good – Go Johnny, Go, Go, Go!!!
(UC#1.c) Life is a Highway
(UC#2) Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows
(UC#1) Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport
(UC#3) Hot Rod Lincoln by Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen
(UC#1.b) Blues Brothers: Think! / Rawhide / Peter Gunn Theme / Gimme Some Lovin‘

Footnotes

[1] Dal Makhani

[2] Blue cheese is triggering for UC#3, due to a traumatic adolescent employment situation.

[3] Burdoch Root

Let’s leave them for the Ghost Moth.

(l-r: female, male)

By Ben Sale from UK – Ghost Moth pair, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=46076336

[4] Blubber

[5] Cheezies

By Bondolo – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=18761126

[6] Menudo “Stomach Sauce”

[7] Vista (0:12 seconds)

[8] Stairway to Heaven

[9] Tiny Bubbles

By [1], Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=56304177

[10] Since WLBOTT is a standard bearer (and crusader) of good taste and integrity, we assume UC#1 and UC#3 were ejected from the library for playing, at a loud volume, this Heavy Metal album by Spinal Tap.