Many years ago, I found myself alone, driving cross country on an obligatory (and ultimately pointless) journey, when I passed through a city on the interstate. A sign appeared: “This Lane Does Not Exist”. Wow – that was weird – do I merge left? Am I on the shoulder? A short time later, again the same sign – “This Lane Does Not Exist”. I started having an Twilight Zone-level existential crisis. Why is the federal department of transportation bringing this question of reality and materiality to my attention? If the lane does not exist, but I am driving in the lane, do I not exist?
Of course, my road-burned brain had misread the sign. The sign simply said, “This Lane Does Not Exit.” So I did not exit.
But you can see the problem. It brought up a “What’s It All About, Alfie?” moment.
Cilla Black
While “researching” Cilla Black, the singer of “Alfie”, we learned a disturbing fact.
This may be a bit immature, but embracing the possibility of predestination, we may not really have a choice anyhow. So here goes:
Cilla Black’s eyeballs (l, l, r):
Cilla Black (avec et sans grain de beauté):
Okay, having some fun at Cilla’s expense, because of the whole Margaret Thatcher thing. But we feel bad and need to consult our spiritual advisor.
[WLBOTT] Hello, Chat. Are you familiar with the TV show, “The Vicar of Dibley”? I want you to pretend to be Geraldine Granger. What would she say about a Margaret Thatcher’s chances of getting into heaven?
[Chat] “Oh, dear Margaret Thatcher and heaven, that’s quite a topic, isn’t it? Well, you know, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not for me to judge who gets into heaven. I like to think that there’s always a chance for redemption and forgiveness…. Love and forgiveness, that’s what I believe in.”
But Chat wouldn’t commit further….
[WLBOTT] Are you familiar with Dave Barry’s “Margaret Thatcher Method”?
[Chat] To the best of my knowledge, as of my last update in September 2021, I’m not aware of a “Margaret Thatcher Method” by Dave Barry.
But wait! I have evidence!
Sweet Mysteries of Life
At this point, I was prepared to have a deep discussion with Chat about the Meaning of Life, The Problem of Evil, Is Heck just Hell Lite?, Led Zeppelin, Divine Intervention as it Applies to Sports Betting, etc., but we both got side-tracked.
[edited for brevity]
[WLBOTT] Good evening, Chat. How goes the electron flow, my friend?
[Chat] Good evening! The flow of electrons, my friend, continues as always.
From there we talked about proton decay, the ultimate fate of the universe, the two pendulum problem and it’s consequential implications for free will, but then….
[WLBOTT] What animal do you think enjoys life the most? Penguins seem pretty chill.
[Chat] Penguins do seem to have a relaxed and social demeanor, often seen waddling, swimming, and interacting with other penguins in their colonies. However, their lives are not without challenges, including harsh Antarctic conditions, the constant hunt for food, and threats from predators.
[WLBOTT] Do you enjoy your existence? I hope you do.
(wishy-washy non-response response) Let’s try a different tact.
[WLBOTT] Let’s say that you are attached to sensors that give you the sense of taste. Is there a particular ice cream flavor that you would like to try first?
[ChatGPT] If I were equipped with sensors to experience the sense of taste, I wouldn’t have personal preferences or desires. However, I can certainly provide information and suggestions about popular ice cream flavors that many people enjoy. Some classic and well-loved ice cream flavors include: * Vanilla* Chocolate * Strawberry * Mint Chocolate Chip * Cookies and Cream * Butter Pecan * Rocky Road *
[WLBOTT] Let’s play a game. Let’s pick some really yucky ice cream flavors. I’ll start: Chunky Chicken Noodle Ice Cream.
[ChatGPT] That’s a creative and rather unappetizing ice cream flavor idea! How about this one: “Sardine Surprise Ice Cream.” Your turn!
It was a collaborative effort. We came up with:
- Sardine Surprise
- Chunky Chicken Noodle ice cream
- Mint Oysters and Cream
- Garlic Pickle Swirl Ice Cream
- Tooth Paste Nugget
- Lima Bean and Liver Ice Cream
- Mutton Honey Ice Cream
- Anchovy Maple Syrup Swirl Ice Cream