In celebration of the Lives of the Elders, the following have be approved by the WLBOTT Ministry of Virtue and Vice.
[UC#3] A man named [UC#1] got a new knee For awhile, he’ll have to use a Zimmer to go pee Hoping the pain in his knee will reduce in size And the doctors bills vaporize Luckily, he has UC#1-SU to fill him with glee Nu Nee Haiku A bionic knee Can help U-C-One run fast Away from Bigfoot
Thanks, UC#3, for the poetry! The first one needs to be Canadianized, however, since we have free medical care. However, UC#1 did order the Zimmer and shower chair from Amazon, which was cheaper than renting them for 2 wk. and having to go to a town 25 minutes away, to pick them up, and of course, return them.
Now I know what to make for lunch: “glee soup.”
[UC#1-SU]
Glee Soup
Google was a little thin on Glee Soup, but “Glee Recipes” yielded some interesting results:
Glee Club Sandwich
Glee Au Gratin
And some pretty random stuff:
[WLBOTT Headquarters] UC#1, so that we can analyze any potential relativistic effects, could you estimate your JW speed as a fraction of the speed of light? Also, are you cool with a redacted portion of your story being included in a “Lives of the Elders” post? We are sensitive to your various situations in various jurisdictions, so we will exercise the good taste and dignity you’ve come to expect from WLBOTT.
[UC#1] Yes. 1/1.079e+11
But first a clarification on the use of wind chimes as a tool for summoning assistance from the s/u.
With reference to the attached over-the-shoulder picture, you can see the sadistic little [darling] grinning at me as I writhe in pain in in my bed, knowing full well that there is no way I can get enough of an angle on it to strike even a glancing blow. And my more natural “wind” chimes for some reason don’t attract the kind of courteous response I was hoping for. So I have resorted to hollering instead, to which my saintly-patient s/u responds: “You bellowed?”
Meanwhile, an important questions have been on my mind: how do I accurately calculate the distance I have traveled while leaning on my trusty “Johnny Walker”?
The question can be broken down into a series of small movements:
- position JW to the desired direction of movement and about 40 cm ahead (one small step)
- move good foot to the centre of JW
- shift weight onto shoulders and wrists
- move bigfoot (well, the foot attached to big knee) to a position parallel to good foot
- repeat until destination is achieved
Those of you with a mathematics background will quickly recognize these movements as small triangular increments along the longer path – the very definition of calculus. All one needs to do now is estimate the average distance for each increment, add ’em all up and vunderbar [ed. note: autocorrects to “underwear”]! an accurate approximation of total distance traveled.
I won’t bother you with the minutiae. From the bedside to the toilet is 27 increments of approximately 40 cm.
So, to summarize, the naturally occurring wind chimes are continuing unabated. Uranium decomposition is below recommended maximums, I have an accurate measuring system for JW travels and my s/u is tired of me bellowing.
UC#1
You Bellowed?
