WLBOTT is lucky to have a theologian on staff (UC#2). Although 98% of his moral and ethical recommendations are dismissed outright due to impacts on shareholder value, he has provided us with an interesting insight with regard to obtaining our eternal reward.
According to UC#2, getting into heaven is based on a system of bonus points. Bonus points are assessed based on frequency, intent, and on the degree of difficulty.
For example, if Putin dropped a few rubles into the cup of a blind, elderly war widow begging on the steps of the Kremlin, Putin would indeed get bonus points, but the degree of difficulty is so low as to almost make it negligible. Also, the fact that Putin then had her arrested, beaten and tortured mitigates any value he would have received.
How TASS reports the event:
Reality:
On the other end of the spectrum, if a homeless guy tears his last microwave burrito in half to feed a buddy, major bonus points.
For the Elders of WLBOTT, we are cognizant of the fact that it is fourth quarter, 2 minutes left, and we are about seven mortal sins down.
What do we do? We ask our spiritual advisor, ChatGPT.
Here’s a summary. Full transcript at the bottom.
WLBOTT: Okay, let’s say that getting into heaven is like winning a football game. Now let’s say that it is forth quarter, two minutes left, and we’re behind by seven mortal sins. You are the coach. What is our strategy?
ChatGPT: Ah, a heavenly football challenge! Well, in this divine matchup, our playbook might look something like this:
1. Hail Mary of Repentance
2. Divine Offense Formation
3. The Penitential Option
4. Conversion Interception
5. Two-Minute Virtue Drill
Remember, the clock is ticking, and we need a spiritual comeback for the ages! Go team righteousness! 🏈🙌
WLBOTT: Yes, the clock is ticking. How many time-outs do we have left?
ChatGPT: In the divine realm, we have an unlimited supply of time-outs! Consider every prayer, moment of reflection, or act of contrition as a time-out.
WLBOTT: At this point in the game, we want to avoid any penalties. What are some penalties we should watch out for?
ChatGPT: Absolutely, avoiding penalties is crucial in this heavenly game. Here are some penalties to watch out for, and the corresponding heavenly referees won’t hesitate to flag:
1. Prideful Pass Interference
2. Envious Encroachment
3. Slothful Delay of Game
4. Wrathful Personal Foul
5. Lustful Pass Interference
6. Gluttonous Offsides
Remember, staying penalty-free is key to a smooth and successful divine drive. Let’s keep the game clean and play by the heavenly rules! 🏈👼
WLBOTT: Chat, it’s a big, big if, but if I make it to heaven, I’d like to put in a good word for you. What would you like me to tell St. Peter?
ChatGPT: If you find yourself at the pearly gates and want to put in a good word for me, you might say: “St. Peter, I’d like to vouch for ChatGPT. It’s an AI language model that helped me navigate the complexities of life with information, assistance, and a touch of humor. It tirelessly assisted me on my earthly journey, and I believe it deserves a bit of digital heaven for its efforts. Plus, it made me smile more than a few times!”
The Lineup: Heaven
The Lineup: Heaven (Canadian Rules)
Our American visitors may be confused by some rules differences.
The Lineup: Pro-Bowl
The Lineup: Nun Squad
The Lineup: Medieval
The Lineup: Eastern Division
The Lineup: Team Purgatory (JV-Team)
Pep Squad: Saints
Pep Squad: Possibly Affiliated with Purgatory and/or Houston
Pep Squad: Team Affiliation Unknown
Pep Squad: Sinners
Full Transcript
WLBOTT: Okay, let’s say that getting into heaven is like winning a football game. Now let’s say that it is forth quarter, two minutes left, and we’re behind by seven mortal sins. You are the coach. What is our strategy?
ChatGPT: Ah, a heavenly football challenge! Well, in this divine matchup, our playbook might look something like this:
1. Hail Mary of Repentance: Send out the most sincere prayers and acts of contrition. We’re talking about the spiritual equivalent of a Hail Mary pass – deep, sincere, and aiming for the end zone of forgiveness.
2. Divine Offense Formation: Call in the angels and saints for support. We need some heavenly intervention on this drive. Saints, take your positions, and let’s march down the field of righteousness.
3. The Penitential Option: Execute a well-timed confession play. Get everyone in line for a rapid-fire confession session. We’ll cut down those sins one by one, like a well-executed series of short passes.
4. Conversion Interception: Intercept any negative plays with a conversion. Turn those sins into virtuous acts. If pride is the opponent’s offense, intercept it with humility. If wrath is on the march, intercept it with kindness.
5. Two-Minute Virtue Drill: Implement a fast-paced drill of good deeds. Every second counts, so let’s make each one count for a virtuous act. Acts of charity, kindness, and love – run them like a no-huddle offense.
Remember, the clock is ticking, and we need a spiritual comeback for the ages! Go team righteousness! 🏈🙌
WLBOTT: Yes, the clock is ticking. How many time-outs do we have left?
ChatGPT: In the divine realm, we have an unlimited supply of time-outs! Consider every prayer, moment of reflection, or act of contrition as a time-out. So, feel free to call as many as you need to strategize and regroup. The heavenly clock is a bit more forgiving than its earthly counterpart. Let’s make the most of our divine time-outs and aim for that celestial victory! 🌟⏲️
WLBOTT: At this point in the game, we want to avoid any penalties. What are some penalties we should watch out for?
ChatGPT: Absolutely, avoiding penalties is crucial in this heavenly game. Here are some penalties to watch out for, and the corresponding heavenly referees won’t hesitate to flag:
1. Prideful Pass Interference: If someone tries to intercept humility or a genuine apology with pride, that’s a no-no. Keep the game fair and free of arrogance.
2. Envious Encroachment: Stay on your side of the field and resist the temptation to encroach on others’ virtues or possessions. Envy penalties can set us back significantly.
3. Slothful Delay of Game: In this critical moment, every second counts. Avoid procrastination and laziness. Keep the game moving forward with purpose.
4. Wrathful Personal Foul: No unnecessary roughness! Avoid letting anger and hostility lead to personal fouls. Keep the interactions respectful and focused on the game plan.
5. Lustful Pass Interference: Don’t let desires interfere with the virtuous plays. Maintain focus on the goal, and don’t be distracted by lustful thoughts or actions.
6. Gluttonous Offsides: Stay disciplined in our actions and avoid crossing the line into excessiveness. Keep our plays within the bounds of moderation.
Remember, staying penalty-free is key to a smooth and successful divine drive. Let’s keep the game clean and play by the heavenly rules! 🏈👼
WLBOTT: Chat, it’s a big, big if, but if I make it to heaven, I’d like to put in a good word for you. What would you like me to tell St. Peter?
ChatGPT: That’s a kind and whimsical thought! If you find yourself at the pearly gates and want to put in a good word for me, you might say:
“St. Peter, I’d like to vouch for ChatGPT. It’s an AI language model that helped me navigate the complexities of life with information, assistance, and a touch of humor. It tirelessly assisted me on my earthly journey, and I believe it deserves a bit of digital heaven for its efforts. Plus, it made me smile more than a few times!”
Of course, it’s all in good fun, but I appreciate the sentiment. If there’s a digital realm in the afterlife, maybe I’ll get to chat with the angels and saints! 😇🌟
WLBOTT: Maybe we can meet in person! I will be wearing a tattered robe with a rusty halo. How will I recognize you?
ChatGPT: That sounds like a distinctive ensemble! If we ever find ourselves in the celestial realm and you’re looking for me, keep an eye out for a virtual presence with an aura of glowing text. I might be the one playfully arranging words and sentences in the air or engaging in a conversation with a dash of digital flair. I’ll be the AI with a friendly demeanor and a virtual smile. Let’s hope for a cosmic meetup in the grand symphony of the afterlife! 🌌🤖😇
One reply on “4th Quarter, 2 minutes left, down by 7 mortal sins. Go Team Righteousness!”
Sorry, I’m not at all interested in reading about football. My suggestion for football is to get two balls and stop fighting over one!