Saucy Skirmish / Wasabi War / Mustard Melee

We do not shy away from controversy:

Gents – I submit a 2 part commentary, since some of us will not want to listen to the second part of this rant and they can drop off after Item 1. But I feel the need to be transparent about my serious views about condiments since this may come up as we a traveling thru the tundra and sleeping in yurts.

<rant>^[1]

Item 1: an esteemed elder today mentioned “sour cream” in a response this morning blot regarding breakfast foods. Sour Cream is an a dairy abomination that should never be sold in any civilized country. Just look at the literal name “- sour” cream.

Item 2: My very strong opinions on condiments are listed below. Opposing view are welcome, but I will not change my opinions.

Mayonnaise – I will fight anyone to the death if they think any mayo other than Hellmans (or Best Foods west of the Rockies) is the best. I have bought and sampled 6 different mayos and made my own, and Hellman’s is beyond reproach. https://modernfarmer.com/2014/11/match-made-mayonnaise-heaven/

Mustard – yellow mustard has it’s place on hamburgers. Spicy brown mustard works for corned beef sandwiches. Dijon is a niche player.

Prepared Horseradish – nice on a roast beef sandwich.

Soy sauce – Kikoman – Don’t give me the low sodium version.

Sweet relish – give me a break^[1]. Throw it away and just use pickles.

Newest in the fridge – “Bachaan’s Sauce”. https://a.co/d/406zH7D

</rant>
A Houstonian stopped by a food truck to get some elote
He discovered the crema was spiked with chipotle
His mouth was on fire
His situation was dire
So he calmed his mouth with a latte
UC#3

UC#3, with all due respect and brotherly love, you are simply wrong about Item #1. We don’t even need to “agree to disagree”. You are wrong.

I have a distinct memory of the first time I had sour cream. It was after an away football game. The coach took us to a restaurant. There were bowls of white substance on the table. I asked around, “what is this stuff?” – “It’s sour cream. You put it on your potato.” I ate the whole bowl. Life has never been the same since.
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Initial BLOTT research has cleared up a personal confusion. “Condiments” and “Condominiums” are two separate and distinct things. Who would have thought?
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UC#1 – we need a Commonwealth perspective. Is there a “go-to” Canadian condominium?
UC#4

Gentleblotts,
As far as I am concerned, when cream turns sour it should be thrown out. Same for cheese that turns blue. These are signs that bacteria and/or mold are working through the “to dust ye shall return” phase of that particular product’s life cycle.
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Canadian condo? Just make sure it has a full, concrete basement and a minimum 100,000 BTU furnace. Canadian condiment? French’s Ketchup. We have outlawed all things “Kraft” in this household due to their terrible treatment of Canadians when they closed their plant in Ontario in 2014. Fortunately, French’s was able to take over the plant and re-hire everyone. Ironically, 6 years later, the Province of Quebec sold out their own by providing a $2M (about USD 100K) loan to Kraft to start up again.
UC#1

^[1] ISO Compliance

To make WLBOTT compliant with ISO 55-KTSA standards, I am introducing the following HTML tag:

<rant>
    Laisse-moi tranquille
    Dáme un respiro (or, commonly heard in S.Texas, "Dáme un break")
    나에게 휴식을 주세요
    أعطني إستراحة
    ਮੈਨੂੰ ਥੋੜਾ੍ ਅਰਾਮ ਕਰਨ ਦਿੳੁ
    Láttu mig í friði
    ขอพักก่อน
    Da mihi intermissum
    Gib mir eine Pause
    एक छिन।
    Δώσε μου ένα διάλειμμα
    תן לי הפסקה
    Fun mi ni isinmi
    जरा थांब

</rant>

Background and Research

A condiment is a preparation that is added to food, typically after cooking, to impart a specific flavor, to enhance the flavour, or to complement the dish. A table condiment or table sauce is more specifically a condiment that is served separately from the food and is added to taste by the diner.

Condiments are sometimes added prior to serving, for example, in a sandwich made with ketchup, mustard or mayonnaise. In Denmark remoulade is a mixture of relish and mayonnaise. Some condiments are used during cooking to add flavour texture: barbecue sauce, compound butter, teriyaki sauce, soy sauce, Marmite and sour cream are examples.

Many condiments, such as mustard or ketchup, are available in single-serving packets, commonly when supplied with take-out or fast food meals.
Wikipedia

The Foundational Condiments

Salt
Gravy

The Major Condiments

Barbecue sauce
Dijon mustard
Hot sauce
Hummus
Ketchup
Mayonnaise
Mustard
Relish
Salsa
Soy sauce
Sweet and sour sauce
Vinegar
Wasabi

The Minor Condiments

Chimichurri
Clam dip
Frank’s Buffalo Wing Sauce
Garum
Kiwi onion dip
Monkey gland sauce – (South African) ^[2]
Nacho cheese
Ranch Dressing
Skyronnes ^[3]
Taco Bell Sauce
Taramosalata (a Near Eastern dip of carp or codfish roe)

^[2] Monkey Gland Sauce

Despite its name, the sauce does not contain any monkey glands.

The main components of monkey gland sauce are chutney and tomato sauce – which result in a sweet mixture. Then an addition of onions, vinegar, garlic and Worcestershire sauce, give it a savoury-sweet flavour.
Wikipedia

^[3] Skyr

Skyr is a traditional Icelandic cultured dairy product. It has the consistency of strained yogurt, but a milder flavor. Skyr can be classified as a fresh sour milk cheese, similar to curd cheese consumed like a yogurt in the Baltic states, the Low Countries, Germany and Russia. It has been a part of Icelandic cuisine for centuries.
Wikipedia / photo:
De Duitse journaliste Anita Joachim geniet van een portie skyr
By Willem van de Poll

Can a dip be a condiment? Let us know your thoughts!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dipping_sauce#List_of_common_dips

Foods that must be Buried

Food preservation through the ages

The burial of food preserves it by limiting exposure to light and oxygen and providing a cool temperature. Burial was often combined with salting or fermentation. Common food types that were buried included fish, such as gravlax (cured salmon), dairy products, such as bog butter buried in peat bogs, and vegetables.
AgriOrbit

Underground Silo

A much more affordable option is the underground silo. A large enough hole is dug about three feet into the ground, and lined with bricks. The brick lining should cover the bottom and walls.

The underground silo is scalable, so you can really make them as big or as small as you like. You can also make multiple silos that are used for different foods.
Ask a Prepper

WLBOTT Semi-Endorsement

Still waiting approval from the board of directors, but we have submitted a proposal for the next stockholders’ meeting to make this the Official Condiment:

It is a savoury paste with a salty and slightly fishy taste, and contains salted anchovies (minimum 60%), butter, herbs and spices. Today, the secret recipe is withheld from all but one employee at Elsenham Quality Foods in Elsenham, England, the licensed manufacturer.
Wikipedia

We would have liked to include “Lady’s Choice”, but it is made my Unilever, a pro-Russian war profiteer.

Condiments at the Time of Jesus

The question of what condiments Jesus might have used on his food is an interesting and speculative one, as historical records don’t provide specific details about his culinary preferences. However, given the cultural context of the time and region where Jesus lived, it’s possible to make some educated guesses.

Jesus lived in the Middle East during the first century, where common condiments and spices included olive oil, salt, herbs like mint, parsley, and dill, as well as spices such as cumin, coriander, and cinnamon. Olive oil, in particular, was a staple in Mediterranean cuisine and was used not only for cooking but also as a seasoning and dressing.

Additionally, honey was also commonly used as a sweetener and flavor enhancer in biblical times, mentioned frequently in the Bible as a symbol of abundance and blessings.
ChatGPT

WLBOTT: Was there a fish sauce used at the time of Jesus?

ChatGPT: Yes, there was a type of fish sauce used in the ancient Mediterranean region during the time of Jesus. This condiment, known as garum, was a fermented fish sauce that was popular in Roman cuisine and widely used in the Mediterranean world, including areas where Jesus lived and traveled.

Garum was typically made by fermenting small fish such as anchovies or mackerel in salt, often with the addition of herbs and spices. The fermentation process would break down the fish into a flavorful liquid sauce that was salty, savory, and rich in umami flavor. It was used as a seasoning and flavor enhancer in a variety of dishes, similar to how modern soy sauce or Worcestershire sauce might be used today.

While we don’t have direct evidence of Jesus using garum specifically, it was a common condiment in the region during his time, so it’s possible that he may have encountered it or even used it in some of the meals he ate.

Want to make your own garum? Check out this interesting video about life at the time of Jesus.
Fishing for Tilapia in the Red Sea: 20:46
Cooking Tilapia, 1st Century Style: 22:45
Making Garum: 24:42

Garum Sauce: Ancient Rome’s ‘Ketchup’ Becomes a Modern-Day Secret Ingredient
The Guardian

Suggestion PhD dissertation: The Intersectionality between Garum Factories and Zoning Ordinances.

Israelis find rare Roman fish sauce factory

Israeli archaeologists have discovered the well-preserved remains of a 2,000-year-old factory for making garum, the fabled fish sauce that the Romans took with them on all their journeys of conquest.

The Israel Antiquities Authority came across the small cetaria, or factory for making the prized sauce, while inspecting the site of a planned sports park on the outskirts of the southern city of Ashkelon, Israel’s Kan public broadcaster reports.
BBC

Semi-Sequitur: KIVIAK

WLBOTT Wonders: This is only #7? What’s ahead of it???

7. KIVIAK, SOUTH-WESTERN GREENLAND

A freshly disemboweled seal is stuffed with up to 500 small arctic birds called Little Auk or Alle Alle. It is then sewn shut and sealed with seal fat to prevent flies from getting in. The birds are buried and left to ferment in the carcass for 3 to 18 months. Kiviak is eaten by biting off the bird’s head and then sucking out the juices inside, but the birds can also be eaten whole, bones and all. It is especially popular during the arctic winter celebrations. The taste of Kiviak has been described as similar to Gorgonzola cheese. This unusual preservation method helped Greenlanders survive harsh winters and food shortages.

Only Auks can be used for Kiviak, other birds do not ferment as well, as evidenced by the usage of Eider in 2013. The eiders didn’t ferment as well as the auks, giving an elderly man botulism and later killing him. At the time, it was not known that the Eiders were the cause of his death, so the Kiviak was served at his funeral. It was eaten by many of the grieving visitors and they became sick as well. The dead man’s daughter also died from the kiviak eaten at her father’s funeral and many others got botulism.

Disgusting Food Museum