Various bandages, tourniquets, pain relievers, and good health insurance
A rich and colorful vocabulary filled with profanation and borderline blasphemies. Bonus points for multiple languages. Double bonus points for Slavic expletives.
Safety Issues:
Don’t get on a ladder after age of 60
Getting shocked by 110V is probably ok, but avoid 220V [ed. note: 110V can definitely Toast your Nuptials, so exercise caution with anything >= AA battery]
Stakeholder Input: Around your house, you may have stakeholders who want to provide input during the execution of the DIY project. Respect this input and discard it at your own peril, since it is probably correct.
UC#3
[1] Baseball Glove Conditioning Oil
Did you know that it is not the act of shaving that dulls a razor blade? It is actually oxidation (rust) that takes place between shavings.
Years ago I began applying a dollop of baseball glove conditioner (it’s basically 4-in-1 oil), and I haven’t bought a new razor since. (BTW – I have a beard).
Since my vicarious dreams of having a Cy Young winning son didn’t pan out, I also use the baseball grove conditioner to oil the rusty hinges on my suspenders.
[ed. note: we are well pleased with our children, despite their lack of athletic prowess]
Semi-sequitur: Cy Young
On this day [November 4th] in 1955, legendary pitcher Cy Young died. He spent much of his 22-year career in Boston, arriving in 1901 to play for the new American League team that would become the Red Sox. He pitched the opening game, in which Boston beat Philadelphia 12–4. On May 5, 1904, in Boston, he pitched the first perfect game in American League history. During his years in the majors, he won 511 games — one of several records he holds to this day. By the time he retired in 1911, he had pitched 751 complete games, including three no-hitters. The Ohio farm boy earned his nickname from his cyclone-like fastball. The year after his death, Major League Baseball established the coveted Cy Young Award in his honor.
Denton True “Cy” Young (March 29, 1867 – November 4, 1955) was an American Major League Baseball (MLB) pitcher. Born in Gilmore, Ohio, he worked on his family’s farm as a youth before starting his professional baseball career.
Young began his professional career in 1890 with the Canton, Ohio based Canton Nadjys, team of the Tri-State League, a professional minor league. During his tryout, Young impressed the scouts, recalling years later, “I almost tore the boards off the grandstand with my fast ball.” Cy Young’s nickname came from the fences that he had destroyed using his fastball. The fences looked like a cyclone had hit them. Reporters later shortened the name to “Cy”, which became the nickname Young used for the rest of his life.
Through both CSI and genetic/bio-metric analysis of DIY projects, we learned that UC#3 and UC#4 carry the TWINE-2027 gene. In other words, WLBOTT is in our blood.
UC#3
Dear El Señor Viejo Dude [a.k.a. UC#4],
Sun Visor – our car here in [undisclosed location] has developed a floppy sun visor. But I ordered a replacement off Amazon for $35 and will attempt to replace it via this YouTube video. What could possibly go wrong?
And for archival purposes, my original solution to the floppy sun visor was to lasso it with string (twine) and then feed the string through the sun roof and close the sunroof. While this was extremely effective in eliminating the floppy-ness, I got stakeholder feedback that this solution rendered both the sun visor and sunroof from achieving their functional goals.
Perhaps the theme for DIY. As I frequently do, I transform simple tasks into complicated and impractical solutions. As SU rightfully says, I’m better on theory and computer simulation vs practical implementation.
UC#3
UC#4 and a Contentious Relationship with a Lawn Mower
Stuck throttle cable – ordered the wrong replacement length; some clever twine-enabled DIY, several hours of various blessings, and NASCAR-level octane enhancers, I got this lesser antichrist to start.
DIY – As Yet Indeterminate Outcomes
We have a plump and fluffy bunny in our backyard, eating the sweet potato vines.
In researching solutions, one web advisor suggested sprinkling the area with the urine of a carnivore. My immediate thought: “Hey, I’m a carnivore!” But cooler heads prevailed, and I bought some “Repels All”.
(btw – missed marketing opportunity – it should be called “Bunny-B-Gone.”)
Active ingredients:
putrescent whole egg solids (1.12%)
cloves (0.54 %)
garlic oil (0.03%)
WLBOTT Wonders: How did they come up with these percentages?
WLBOTT Wonders: Satisfaction guaranteed? How could you be unsatisfied? “Dear sirs: I found that the putrescent whole egg solids were simply not stinky enough.”
DIY Putrescent Whole Egg Solids
Some random Google image search results for “Putrescent Whole Egg Solids”:
DIY – Successful Outcome
[note: this story first appeared in the June ’24 WLBOTT Employee Newsletter Abandon Hope, Now Get Back to Work]
UC#4-SU submitted a repair ticket to WLBOTT facilities management. The problem: stove light non-functional.
After going through various levels of approval, purchasing submitted Request for Quotes (RFQ) from 22 vendors, and awarded the winning product to Simba Lighting.
After several weeks of vendor price negotiations, we received authorization from purchasing to buy a replacement bulb.
Because this was an expedited request, we were able to replace the faulty bulb with a total turn-around time of 9 weeks.
A WLBOTT Success StoryThis photo was taken at approx. 7:48 amProject Engineers Reviewing OptionsA Final Blessing by the Elders
UC#1’s DIY
As a former house builder, I can offer an interesting story that kind of relates to DIY.
One Saturday morning, about 20 years ago, I was working by myself to backfill the foundation of the latest housing project. To this end, I was operating a Bobcat (also know as a Skidsteer), picking up loads of dirt from the front of the lot and delivering them to the side and rear.
Now, the controls for the bobcat back then were simple, a joystick that controlled all the bucket movements, another one for moving the machine around and some footpedals for braking/steering. To start the machine you had to firmly lock the brakes with the footpedals and press the big red starter button located above the window. And for safety, there was a ‘deadman’ switch in the seat – if you tried to stand up while operating the machine, it just quit.
Now, visualize the lot that I am working on. It is a rear walk-out, which means there is a significant slope from front to back.
So, imagine my surprise when I loaded up the bucket for the 50th time, did my swivel turn and headed back down the slope. Only this time, I forgot to lower the bucket. There’s something about center-of-gravity …
So the bobcat tipped forward, launching me out of the seat and into the front window (no, there was no seatbelt). And then stopped dead.
So there I am, face pressed against the front window, with the bobcat tipped forward at about a 45 degree angle with the engine safely stopped.
Remember the bit about starting the engine. Just try to press down on two foot pedals, while reaching up over your right shoulder to reach the starter button while at the same time pushing your buttocks uphill into the seat. And then, maintaining the seat position while working the bucket control to drop the bucket and push the machine upright.
It took 6 tries! Fortunately, this was a holiday and there were no other builders in the area, i.e. no witnesses. I never would have survived the embarrassment!
UC#1
AI gets close….
And AI has some near and far misses.
One reply on “DIY: WLBOTT Changes a Light Bulb”
Great stories everyone. But most impressive is the stove light replacement project – a big congratulations for coming in 21.57% under budget.
And an even bigger congratulations for getting the budget approved in the first place!
One reply on “DIY: WLBOTT Changes a Light Bulb”
Great stories everyone. But most impressive is the stove light replacement project – a big congratulations for coming in 21.57% under budget.
And an even bigger congratulations for getting the budget approved in the first place!