One of those gloomy days, my friends. Some new anchors around my neck, some cumulative anchors. Voice in the wilderness, reflections on the wasteland, etc. In no particular order:
- The YMCA check-in person was grumpy this morning
- The bloodless Supreme Court coup d’état almost guarantees fascism in time for Christmas
- Bugs on my sweet potatoes
- My body seems to have become immune to caffeine
- Melting of the Juneau Icefield
- Our newest Elder G refuses to create an image of Charlton Heston dressed as Moses, surrounded by apes, at an all-you-can-eat buffet of Soylent Green.
Elder G Has an Idea
Despite the lack of enthusiasm over the Soylent Green project, Elder G suggested we expand our mission to include the World’s Larges Ball of Spaghetti.
The Fallacy of Moral Superiority
So how did we end up in this Charlton Heston death-spiral anyhow?
I was trying to come up with a multiple choice quiz to determine the moral fiber of humanity. Then I realized the hubris involved in this exercise. Me – of all people – I secretly rooted for Ursula in The Little Mermaid.
But here’s how far I got.
WLBOTT Dept of Virtue and Vice / Morality Test
During the recent global pandemic of a highly contagious virus that killed millions, did you wear a mask in public?
1) Yes
2) Sometimes
3) There was a pandemic?
4) No, because, you know, freedom
Where is the right to bear arms referenced in the Bible?
1) Sermon on the mount
2) 9th Corinthians
3) The part when Charlton Heston comes down the mountain with the 10 commandments
4) All the above
5) Not specifically mentioned, but strongly implied throughout
Americans are God's Chosen People because:
1) The Bible was written in English
2) Jesus was white
3) Our long national tradition of compassion and charity
Is political violence acceptable?
1) Never
2) Okay as long as it's live-streamed and on a weekend (and not conflicting with televised pro football)
3) Okay as long as my side wins
3a) Okay as long as it's part of an official duty
Speaking of Charlton Heston, where is he right now?
1) Surrounded by Monkey People
2) Enjoying an All-You-Can-Eat Soylent Green buffet
3) Endless skeet
4) Searching for the thermostat
We can’t talk about Charlton Heston without talking about Leigh Taylor-Young, his co-star in Soylent Green.
And Where is All This Going?
We’re trying to make money off it, of course.
We’re introducing a the WLBOTT Good-o-Meter. Simply point the device at others to see if they are going to hell.
Use extreme caution when pointing it at oneself.
Please use caution if you point it at republicans. For those individuals, we recommend the specially calibrated WLBOTT Evilometer.
4th of July Sale
Since the 4th of July will soon become a meaningless holiday in America, let’s at least explore its consumeristic potential.
So…. buy one Good-o-Meter or Evilometer, and we will send you two free TwineMeters (shipping and handling extra).
