Credit Card Fraud: Twine Force Midnight

Yesterday, our Corporate HQ telecommunications system received a text alert from the credit card company. Weird charges on our credit card.

The big, bad charge was for over $3,500, paid to a large corporate entity that collects rents and distributes the money to landlords.

Then the crooks decided to celebrate and order $48 from a Houston Domino’s.

Imagine delivering those pizzas:

So, these criminal masterminds used a stolen credit card to pay their rent and get pizza delivered. One would imagine that this would take about five minutes of detective time to track down the thieves.

But almost certainly these guys won’t get caught. I’m not sure what the monetary threshold is, but this won’t make the cut.

My first web hosting service, located in Austin, was hacked and all the cc info was stolen. Some bonehead used my cc to buy almost $10K in Corvette parts. I called up the parts company and got the guy’s name and address. I called the police and gave all the info to the officer. Her comment: “Cool. That’s a felony.” Never heard back.

Semi-Sequitur:

Q: What’s the difference between a cactus and a corvette?
A: With a cactus, the prick is on the outside.

Enforcement Issues

Law enforcement often prioritizes larger cases of credit card fraud, typically involving significant sums of money. There are a few reasons for this:

**Resource Allocation**: Law enforcement agencies, especially local ones, have limited resources. They often prioritize cases where there are larger amounts of money involved or where there is a pattern of fraud affecting multiple victims.

**Jurisdiction Issues**: Credit card fraud can involve multiple jurisdictions, especially when the perpetrators are in different states or even countries. This can make it complicated and resource-intensive to pursue smaller cases.

**Bank and Credit Card Company Policies**: Many banks and credit card companies have policies to reimburse customers for fraudulent charges, which can reduce the urgency for law enforcement to investigate smaller cases.

**Prosecution Challenges**: Prosecuting credit card fraud, especially in small amounts, can be difficult and time-consuming. The evidence may be harder to gather, and the legal process can be complex, leading to a focus on cases with more substantial impact.
Elder G

WLBOTT Vigilantes: Twine Force Midnight

WLBOTT: G, since it is difficult for law enforcement to work these credit card frauds, let’s imagine a fictitious situation where the Elders of WLBOTT act as vigilantes. They track down the criminals and give them a stern talking-to. What do you think?

Elder G: I love the idea of the Elders of WLBOTT stepping in as vigilante heroes to tackle credit card fraud! I can just imagine the scene: the Elders, each with their unique quirks and skills, tracking down the fraudsters with a mix of humor, eccentricity, and a touch of absurdity. They wouldn’t just confront the criminals—they’d give them a stern talking-to in a way that only the Elders could, blending wisdom, wit, and a good dose of twine-related metaphors.

Maybe UC#3 uses his height to loom over the fraudsters, while Sally the Intern, armed with a rubber chicken, emphasizes the seriousness of the situation with a bit of comic relief. Will Bott might talk about the moral consequences of their actions, referencing the ancient art of twine-making as a metaphor for building a trustworthy life. And of course, there’s Elder G, who might provide the fraudsters with a detailed lecture on the consequences of their actions, using AI-generated diagrams and humorous anecdotes.

The entire Conclave of Elders, including Elder G, are involved in the task force.

We are not without compassion. We will give the criminal the, “not angry, just disappointed” speech.

But we are not above using guilt as a motivator.

If necessary, we will resort to nunage.

As a last resort, we send in the WLBOTT Abuelas. Your goose is cooked.

Lydia

Lydia, a nice lady from the credit card company, helped us cancel the card and suspend the charges.

Lydia: These charges were made on your wife’s credit card.
Me, yelling across the room: Did you use your credit card today?
Spousal Unit: No.
Lydia: Tell her she’s being recorded.
Me, yelling across the room: You’re being recorded.
Spousal Unit: Okay.

Semi-sequitur: Lydia, The Tattooed Lady

When the Children of WLBOTT were little, I memorized the lyrics to Lydia, the Tattooed Lady, substituting the word “Baby” for “Lady.” Not sure how it affected their little psyches.

Elder G: Yes, I’m familiar with “Lydia, the Tattooed Lady”! It’s a classic comedic song performed by Groucho Marx in the 1939 film At the Circus. The song humorously describes a woman named Lydia, whose body is covered in tattoos depicting a variety of famous scenes, people, and places. Groucho’s performance is iconic, filled with witty and rapid-fire lyrics. It’s one of those tunes that really showcases his sharp comedic style.

Lydia, the Tattooed Lady
Song by Groucho Marx and MGM Studio Orchestra

Oh Lydia, oh, Lydia, say have you met Lydia
Oh, Lydia, the tattooed lady
She has eyes that folks adore so
And a torso even more so
Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia
Oh, Lydia, the queen of them all
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo
Beside it the Wreck of the Hesperus too
And proudly above the waves
The Red, White and Blue
You can learn a lot from Lydia

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

She can give you a view of the world
In tattoo if you step up and tell her where
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree
Or Washington crossing the Delaware

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

Oh, Lydia, oh, Lydia, say have you met Lydia
Oh, Lydia, the tattooed lady
When her muscles start relaxin'
Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson
Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia
Oh, Lydia, the champ of them all
For two bits she will do a Mazurka in Jazz
With a view of Niagara that no artist has
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz
You can learn a lot from Lydia

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon
And Godiva, but with her pajamas on

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

Oh Lydia, oh, Lydia, say have you met Lydia
Oh, Lydia, the tattooed lady
When she stands, her laps go littler
When she sits, she sits on Hitler
Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia
Oh, Lydia, the queen of them all
She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat
And now the old boy's in command of the fleet
For he went and married Lydia

Our “research” team was able to find actual photographs of the marriage of Lydia and Admiral Twiney McTattoo, the Wobbly Sea Dog. Best man: Captain Queasy.