Dear Tess,
I am blessed with a wonderful life partner (or so I thought). Recently, I joined an eccentric club of twine enthusiasts. Naturally, I’ve been acquiring increasingly larger balls of twine (some sent by my fans, some homemade, some scavenged around the neighborhood). I am also now full of fun facts from the blog posts the club publishes almost daily.
My formerly understanding partner claims he is “creeped out” by my new hobby. He feels the twine is unsanitary and dangerous (I believe he is just bitter because the kids used it to tie him up while he was napping). He rolls his eyes whenever I start discussing my fun facts, and I think he is secretly throwing out some of my twine.
What should I do? How can I be true to my inner-twine self without sacrificing my marriage?
PS I’m looking to expand my collection beyond twine. Any suggestions for small unobtrusive farm equipment I can purchase and sneak into the garage that will not aggravate my marriage troubles further?
(signed)
– On My Last Thread / On My Last Nerve
Dearest OMLT/OMLN,
First of all, welcome to the glorious, tangled world of twine! It sounds like you’ve found yourself in the company of fellow twine aficionados, which is always a joy. But I see your newfound passion has, unfortunately, created a bit of a knot in your relationship.
Could you clarify your husband’s concerns a bit more?
Together in Twine,
Tess
Dear Tess,
My husband, a generous and loving soul, a wonderful father, friend to widows and orphans, has developed a nervous tick lately. Whenever I bring up the topic of twine or WLBOTT (pretty non-stop, actually), his eye begins to twitch and this vein on this forehead starts to pulsate.
He sent me these selfies to share his feelings. Personally, I don’t really see his point. That’s why I need your help,
– On My Last Thread / On My Last Nerve
p.s. He says the twine is interfering with his golf game. Give me a break.
– lt/ln
Dearest OMLT/OMLN,
I agree with you 100% here. Men can be so whinny.
Tell me more about your home life?
Together in Twine,
Tess
Dear Tess,
Our home life is wonderful. The sacred triangle of home-family-twine. Here are some pix of our domestic tranquility.
– On My Last Thread / On My Last Nerve
p.s. Oh, and here are some pictures from our recent vacations.
– lt/ln
Dearest OMLT/OMLN,
This all seems perfectly normal and healthy.
But we need to dig deeper. Can you share your dedication to twine, as well as any angst you are experiencing with your current situation?
Together in Twine,
Tess
Dear Tess,
Of course. After all, twine in not just a hobby, but a lifestyle, a vocation. Finding the right twine/life balance is a struggle.
My Love of Twine
The Angst
– On My Last Thread / On My Last Nerve
Dearest OMLT/OMLN,
I think I see the bigger picture here. You are juggling too many balls (of twine). I’d like to recommend a spiritual retreat – a time of quiet reflection.
In the past I’ve recommended Our Lady of the High Fiber Diet. Every nun’s cell has an en suite bathroom.
Please keep me updated on your progress.
Together in Twine,
Tess
p.s. photos from Our Lady of the HFD Facebook page
Dear Tess,
Thank you! I have been through a 144 hour spiritual cleansing at Our Lady of the HFD.
Lauds each morning at 5:15am, vespers each evening at 11:45pm, 4 hours of deep sleep, free range breakfast, creatively prepared herring for lunch, dinner, and evening snack. The Sound of Music and Die Hard V: A Good Day to Die Hard on infinite loop….
I am now ready to forgive my husband and bring him fully into the WLBOTT fold.
So what about the farm equipment?
– On My Last Thread / On My Last Nerve
p.s. Selfies of my spiritual awakening
Dearest OMLT/OMLN,
Let’s round this out with your partner’s concerns. It’s not uncommon for someone to be taken aback by a sudden (and might I add, quite fabulous) obsession with twine. The unfortunate incident of being tied up by your daughters, though undoubtedly amusing to us twine lovers, might have triggered some… apprehension. Perhaps a thoughtful conversation would help untangle this misunderstanding. Explain that twine can be a symbol of connection and creativity, rather than a creepy hazard. Offer to store your twine in clean, well-organized containers to address any concerns about sanitation (though we know it’s harmless!). Show him how you can tie a practical knot or two that could come in handy—maybe even one that will help him next time he’s tied up!
As far as the farm equipment goes, we must save that for another day. I have some wonderful ideas, but we must take this one strand at a time, dear girl!
Together in Twine,
Tess
follow-up: OMLT/OMLN recently sent us these images of her fully integrated family-twine-WLBOTT life.
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