As faithful readers of WLBOTT will recall (here and here), our bachelor farmer, with the help of Tess Twinehart, is exploring different religious traditions, hoping to find the best matchmaking services to alleviate his loneliness.
Today, our bachelor farmer BB40 is exploring the world of Hindu matchmaking.
It is a world BB40 was not expecting.
Although not a deal-breaker, BB40 was not prepared to explore the sex life of the mongoose.
BB40 was tempted to consult with the consultants:
₹ 9 = 11¢ / min.
₹ 16 = 19¢ / min.
₹ 9 = 11¢ / min.
WLBOTT Wonders: How exactly are these rates set? Is the quality of a 30¢ / min consultation 3x better than an 11¢ / min consultation, or does it just take 3x as long to obtain the knowledge?
We should note that all on-call astrologers have been verified (not by WLBOTT), and have incredibly high ratings.
This eased our lonely farmer’s reservations considerably.
He was also reassured by the erudite and science-based nature of the astrological matchmaking.
The application process seems straight-forward enough:
Elder G was a bit concerned that the black sheep of his AI family was involved in matchmaking astrology, so he created these beautiful images showing the hope and promise of a happy match.
Pop Sugar and Elite Matrimony
As part of our lonely farmer’s due diligence, he came across an interesting matchmaking narrative by Anvita Reddy, assistant editor at Pop Sugar.
A love marriage, or finding someone on my own, didn’t feel like it was in my destiny, but I didn’t lose faith. I had a plan to ask my parents to set me up, and even though the pandemic put a halt to weddings globally, my plan was put into action when “Indian Matchmaking” premiered on Netflix. […]
To do this process, you need to have immense trust in your parents, believing that they want the best for you. My parents provided a filter of sorts for me, and I only looked at the profiles they approved. Just like dating apps, it’s good to outline relationship deal-breakers, preferences, and nice-to-haves. We agreed on a few core things […]
The questionnaire contains several problematic elements that many may not admit to, but certainly exist, including information on caste, skin color, and selections limited to specific jobs, e.g. only doctors. […]
My parents and I decided to try a matchmaking service recommended to us, EliteMatrimony. (Think: Sima Aunty from “Indian Matchmaking” meets The League.) It was reputable and seemed to source profiles that fit many of my preferences. To be completely transparent, we paid around $6,000 for six months of concierge matchmaking services. We had a dedicated broker, who would source profiles they thought would be a good fit for me.
Pop Sugar
Elite Matrimony
Our Bachelor Farmer was encouraged by the Pop Sugar experience, and decided to look into EliteMatrimony.
He was also encouraged by the photo of the happy newlyweds on their home page.
The Packages
WLBOTT: G, I was reading an Indian website where they referred to a monetary amount as “Cr.” What would 50 Cr. be in U.S. dollars?
Elder G: In Indian numbering, “Cr.” stands for “crore,” which equals 10 million. Therefore, 50 crore is 500 million Indian Rupees (INR).
To convert this to U.S. dollars (USD), we use the exchange rate. As of November 24, 2024, 1 USD equals approximately 84.4449 INR.
Using this rate, 500 million INR is about 5.92 million USD. Please note that exchange rates fluctuate, so for the most accurate conversion, it’s advisable to check the current rate.
So, for our US visitors:
Standard package: Net worth up to $6,000,000
Ultimate package: Net worth between $6 and $24,000,000
Aristocrat package: Net worth more than $24,000,000
(For reference purposes, the average (mean) wealth per adult in India was approximately $16,500 USD, while the median wealth per adult stood at about $3,755 USD.)
Unfortunately, our lonely farmer made a mistake in the currency conversion, and thought the Aristocrat package begins with a net worth of $24,000. If he includes his acreage, the tractor, six head of cattle, and the crop in the field, he can barely meet this threshold.
Ever the optimist, BB40 thinks six months should be more than enough.
And what do you get for your money?
The Elite Airport Experience
For the busy lovelorn, you can take care of business right at the airport!
Perhaps WLBOTT should look into establishing “Experience Centers?”
Our lonely farmer was also encouraged by the fact that Elite Matrimony had locations at all the major airports in India.
Mumbai, Coimbatore
Delhi
Tess and BB40 meet Auntie
Tess decided to accompany BB40 on his initial meeting with Auntie. It was a delightful experience.
Will There Be A Buffet?
When BB40 and Tess visited Auntie, she offered a delightful assortment of traditional Indian snacks, showcasing her hospitality and cultural heritage. Here’s what Auntie served:
- Samosas: Crispy, triangular pastries filled with spiced potatoes and peas. These are a crowd-pleaser and a classic snack.
- Pakoras: Deep-fried fritters made from vegetables like spinach, onion, or potato, coated in spiced chickpea flour batter.
- Murukku or Chakli: Crunchy, spiral-shaped savory snacks made from rice flour and lentil flour, flavored with sesame and cumin seeds.
- Masala Chai: Strong Indian tea brewed with milk, sugar, and spices like cardamom, ginger, and cinnamon, served in small cups.
- Namak Pare: Fried, diamond-shaped crackers that are crispy, lightly salted, and perfect for nibbling.
- Kaju Katli: A sweet treat made from cashew nuts and sugar, shaped like diamonds and adorned with edible silver leaf.
- Aloo Chaat: A tangy and spicy street food dish made with boiled potatoes, tamarind chutney, yogurt, and chaat masala.
These snacks not only added flavor to the meeting but also provided a glimpse into Auntie’s warm, traditional lifestyle.
References
All these years I’ve been unduly trashing astrology. I had once heard that a fly on the ceiling of the hospital room has more gravitational influence on a newborn that all the planets combined.
Elder G set me straight!
The gravitational force exerted by the fly on the newborn is approximately (2.60 x 10-15) Newtons. In comparison, the gravitational force exerted by Jupiter, the most massive planet in the Solar System, is about (1.28 x 10-6) Newtons.
This means Jupiter’s gravitational influence on the newborn is significantly greater than that of the fly. The argument you’ve heard is incorrect if based solely on gravitational influence; the planets’ gravitational forces far outweigh that of a fly on the ceiling.
However, this doesn’t account for astrology’s claims, which aren’t typically grounded in gravitational physics.
Elder G
Please know that we have a deep respect for the country and people of India. We do not wish to cast asparagus upon them. For one thing, we WLBOTTians have known many generous and honest Indians, who have personally brightened our lives and who strive to make the world a better place.
And secondly, for every grift that comes out of India, there are 10 that are home-grown right here in the U.S. of A. We do not have the hard drive resources to enumerate fully, but let’s just name a few:
- Tom Selleck selling reverse mortgages
- Brain enhancement from jellyfish
- Mike Huckabee selling Relaxium
- Ticketmaster
- Oxycontin
- Student Loans
- For-profit prisons
- Spectrum