We received a call this morning from Jeff Bezos. He told us to knock it off – we either take an editorial position that excludes politics, or he is firing all of us. Swing the pendulum the other direction.
This was odd, because we don’t work for him. But when the BEEZ says PLEEZ, you’d better listen. We immediately caved.
So today we’ll bring you a mixed bag of absurdities.
Calgon, Take Me Away!
Was Calgon a gateway to the mind-expanding drugs of the 60’s and 70’s?
Calgon, Take Me Away!
By Ann Kirsten Jan 15, 2020 | 9:30 AMThere was a commercial a while back that showed moms in stressful situations. At the height of their frustration, these women would put their hands on their heads and say, “Calgon, take me away!” And, suddenly they would be soaking in a beautiful tub full of bubbles. Lit candles were everywhere, soft music was playing and they smiled in blissful peace.
All Mom Does
Calgon model search: We’ll keep your resume on file….
Talked to Death
Existential Significant Pancakes
In a recent psychotherapy session with Elder G, s/he suggested with continue the conversation over a plate of existentially significant pancakes. We are looking into his exact meaning.
Which led us to “Pancakes for Industry, Pancakes for Peace.”
Shoes for Industry
Which of course led us to the comedy skit by The Firesign Theater: Shoes for Industry.
Wow, this is a lot darker than I remember….
The Firesign Theater
Shoes for Industry
Shoes for Industry!
Shoes for the Dead!
Shoes for Industry!
Hi. I'm Joe Beets. Hey, what chance does a returning and deceased war veteran have for that good paying job, more sugar, and the free mule you've been dreaming of?
Well, think it over. Then take off your shoes. Now you can see how increased spending opportunities mean harder work for everyone, and more of it, too!
So do your part today, Joe. Join with millions of your neighbors and turn in your shoes.
For industry!
Sweet Melinda
This deserves a much deeper dive….
Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
Song by Bob Dylan ‧ 1965
Sweet Melinda, the peasants call her the goddess of gloom
She speaks good English, invites you up into her room
And you're so kind and careful not to go to her too soon
And she takes your voice and leaves you howling at the moon
Boron, My Boron
UC#3 has developed a rather unhealthy attraction to the element boron.
Boron, My Boron
(A Patriotic Ode to Element 5)
Verse 1:
From the heart of Earth’s great fire, deep within the stony vein,
You emerge, a silent hero, binding strong through wind and rain.
Though the world may praise its iron, gold, and silver's fleeting gleam,
Boron, my Boron, you fulfill the builder’s dream!
Chorus:
Boron, my Boron, steadfast and true,
Light as a whisper, yet mighty as you!
Shielding our warriors, bright in our glass,
Through fiber and fire, you help nations surpass!
Verse 2:
From the glass within our windows to the rockets in the sky,
You have shaped the world in silence, though the crowds may pass you by.
Stronger than the doubt of ages, lighter than the mountain breeze,
Boron, my Boron, you uphold our destinies!
(Repeat Chorus)
Bridge:
Oh, element of quiet grace, the fifth among the stars,
You fortify the future, you mend the battle scars.
Through atom’s force and crystal might, your strength will ever shine,
Boron, my Boron, the world is yours and mine!
(Final Chorus, grand and triumphant!)
Boron, my Boron, steadfast and true,
Light as a whisper, yet mighty as you!
Shielding our warriors, bright in our glass,
Through fiber and fire, you help nations surpass!
(Final line, softly and reverently)
Boron, my Boron… forever shall last.
