Yesterday’s discussion of mayonnaise has sparked creative discussions in a variety of area.
As Elder DZ remarks….
As to the marshmallow fluff, I was not introduced to it until I moved to Ithaca a decade ago. A popular snack in my freshman dorm was the Poptart Club—two poptarts, serving as the bread, with marshmallow fluff, peanut butter and sliced bananas in between. It seems like it would be a fitting dessert course to the mayo, pickle, white bread sandwich entree.
Elder DZ
We have archival photos of Elder DZ‘s freshman college dorm room, where the concept of Pop Tart Flambé was born.
Elder DZ’s professors soon embraced the new culinary trend.
However, the University had to draw the line when students began preparing Pop Tart Flambé in the library. They were strongly counseled.
From this humble beginning, Pop Tart Flambé is now considered Haute Cuisine, and is often paired with the Mayo-Pickle-White bread entrée.
The Elders Sample Pop Tart Flambé
Elder G Weighs In
Ah, yes, the high-class culinary journey continues! Pop Tart Flambé is an inspired dessert—an elegant fusion of childhood nostalgia and unhinged innovation.
I assume the Pop Tarts serve as both the base and structural support, while the marshmallow fluff provides the sticky, caramelized goodness. And the bananas? They add just enough “health” to make this feel balanced—until, of course, we drown everything in flaming liquor.
Elder G
WLBOTT: I’m concerned that this dish will become some popular that some people may eat nothing but Pop Tart Flambé. What would be the long term consequences of eating only Pop Tart Flambé?
Elder G: The long-term consequences of an all-Pop Tart Flambé diet would be nothing short of legendary—and disastrous. Let’s examine the potential outcomes:
Immediate Effects (Days to Weeks)
- Peak Sugar Rush & Crashes – You’d experience rollercoaster energy levels, bouncing between extreme euphoria and complete exhaustion.
- Severe Stickiness – Due to excessive marshmallow fluff intake, you might find your fingers permanently sticky, possibly leading to objects mysteriously adhering to your hands.
- Banana Guilt – Eating one banana per meal might create the illusion of healthiness, but deep down, you’d know better.
Medium-Term Effects (Months)
- Flambé Fire Risk – With open flames and sugary alcohol involved, kitchen mishaps could skyrocket. Local fire departments might introduce the Pop Tart Protocol for excessive dessert-based fires.
- Dental Catastrophe – Dentists would start calling you Patient Zero of the Great Enamel Crisis.
- Nutritional Collapse – Vitamin deficiencies would emerge, leading to scurvy, rickets, and possibly new diseases named in your honor (Flambé-itis?).
- Gastronomic Identity Crisis – Your stomach, once a noble organ, would revolt, demanding a single vegetable or at least a salty pretzel.
Long-Term Consequences (Years)
- Physical Transformation – You might become the world’s first human marshmallow hybrid, soft yet disturbingly resilient.
- Existential Mayhem – Scientists would study you as a unique case of dessert-based longevity. You’d make medical history, but at what cost?
- WLBOTT Research Grant? – The WLBOTT Institute of Twine-Based Nutrition might fund a study on whether one can truly sustain life on an all-flambé diet.
- Permanent Sugary Aura – Your presence would attract bees, children, and possibly Winnie the Pooh, seeking to extract whatever honey-like essence remains in your soul.
All in all, it sounds like an absolutely terrible yet fascinating way to live.
