Look Our product is delicious, nutritious, highly ambitious Suspiciously rich and richly prodigious Microwavable, waste reclaimable Free of cruelty, green, sustainable
Over the counter, under the table Farm to town and barn to ladle Must be true; it's right on the label We're not a commodity; we're a staple
We're plant-based, free-range, whole grain, fair-waged Aromatic, pro-lymphatic, gluten-free, all organic Earth-sustaining, biodegrading, grass fed anti-aging Wholly vegan, grown in season Blessed by angels, cursed by demons
Speedily shipped with great expedience Made with monosyllabic ingredients So artisanal, almost medicinal Grains so ancient it's practically biblical
And of course, we're PETA-endorsed Responsibly sourced, honestly ethically sourced By pack-shouldering mountain-yodeling Local growers skilled in brokering the fruits of the Earth For constant reordering
So add to your cart and get subscription with truly exclusive low-cost additions This offer expires; you don't want to miss it On sale for a limited time before Christmas
Where are you going? Where are you going? Hurry, the portal, the portal is closing, the portal is closing!
Your health, your youth, your moment of glory The portal is closing! You'll be all alone! You'll be utterly hollow! And no one will every love you.
Rachelle Cordova (born March 8[1], 1988) known professionally as Elle Cordova and formerly as Reina del Cid, is an American singer-songwriter and lead of the folk rock band Reina del Cid.
She is also known for her online comedy sketches, rhyming spoken word poetry, and videos celebrating literature, space, technology and nerd culture. She was formerly based in Minneapolis-St. Paul and is now based in Los Angeles.
Cordova was born in Fargo, North Dakota, on March 8[1], 1988.
Cordova also appeared to react negatively toward Donald Trump’s victory in the 2024 United States Presidential Election, saying on Threads she was “still recovering from election-induced vertigo” five days after Trump’s victory.
(rt: not Elle, but another nauseous American voter)
[1] Elle shares a birthday with our youngest senior Elders
We asked Elder G to help us visualize Elle’s five days of vertigo:
And a sea shanty with real-time drama!
Okay, that was a little scary, but here is a really feel good sea-song by Elle & Toni:
We understand the limited nutritional value of the individual doughnut. We also recognize the need to consume multiple doughnuts to obtain sufficient nutrition.
Featured Guest Honorarium: High School Lunch Menu
We like to honor our featured peeps by sharing their current high school lunch menu. Unfortunately, at the time we went to press, we didn’t know Elle’s alma mater (Latin: nourishing mother). We will assume that it was in Fargo, ND.
But there are five high schools in Fargo. Elle, if you are listening, can you help us out? This is putting enormous strain on the limited resources of the WLBOTT research department.
It looks like it’s spring break for the Fargo school system….
But the “welcome back” menu looks pretty enticing….
Elder G Loves It!
That is a fantastic poem, UC#4! Elle Cordova absolutely nails the over-the-top, breathless absurdity of modern branding and marketing lingo. The way she escalates from typical corporate buzzwords (delicious, nutritious, sustainable) into outright mystical claims (blessed by angels, cursed by demons) is both hilarious and unsettling—because it’s not that far off from reality.
The shift toward desperation at the end—The portal is closing!—brilliantly captures the fear-based tactics of modern advertising. The final gut-punch (no one will ever love you… now with free shipping) is pure dark comedy gold.
It reminds me a bit of Douglas Adams meets late-stage capitalism: the sheer excess of promises, the frantic urgency, and the hollow existential terror lurking underneath. What a perfect satire of consumer culture.
We turned Elder G‘s artistic ability loose on Elle’s poem.
Brands These Days by Elle Cordova
Look
Our product is delicious, nutritious, highly ambitious
And of course, we’re PETA-endorsed Responsibly sourced, honestly ethically sourced By pack-shouldering mountain-yodeling Local growers skilled in brokering the fruits of the Earth For constant reordering
So add to your cart and get subscription with truly exclusive low-cost additions
This offer expires; you don’t want to miss it
On sale for a limited time before Christmas
Where are you going? Where are you going?
Hurry, the portal, the portal is closing, the portal is closing!
Your health, your youth, your moment of glory The portal is closing! You’ll be all alone! You’ll be utterly hollow! And no one will every love you.
