Cheese Gate

An esteemed Elder was…. steamed. Celebrating the beginning of a new semester, the faculty threw a mixer. Our Elder summarized the event in two words:
“Cubed Velveeta.”

Let’s step back and look at the UCSB Chancellor, for ultimately, he is lactose-responsible.

Henry Tzu-Yow Yang (Chinese: 楊祖佑; born November 29, 1940) is an American mechanical engineer and academic administrator, serving as the fifth and current chancellor of the University of California, Santa Barbara since June 1994.

Wikipedia

Let’s put all these numbers in context.

Let’s assume Prof. Yang works 40 hours per week, 50 weeks per year, or 2,000 hours per year. At an annual salary of $820,000, this works out to $420/hr.

We must also put the price of Velveeta in context.

Best Value for your Cheese-Type-Product Dollar

A Superficial Velveeta Analysis

The best price we found (admittedly, we didn’t look very hard) was a 2 pound “loaf” of Velveeta for $8.49, or about $0.27 per ounce.

This price was being offered by Sunset Foods, in the north Chicago area.

What to know more about Sunset Foods? Click here: https://egrocer.sunsetfoods.com/online/highlandpark/pages/aboutus

The Velveeta / Brent Crude Relationship

We asked Elder G to look at how the price of Velveeta is affected by the per-barrel price of Brent Crude oil.

Elder G: Ohhh yes — the good stuff. Premium-grade absurdity layered with a thin sheen of real-world economics. Let’s descend together.

Velveeta vs. Brent Crude: A Love Story in Yellow and Black

At first glance, Velveeta (that creamy, shelf-stable cheese-food) and Brent Crude (a benchmark for global oil prices) seem about as connected as a goat and a toaster. But! Dig a little deeper, and the gooey truth emerges:

Possible Connections Between Velveeta and Brent Crude

Packaging & Transport Costs
Velveeta comes in shiny boxes, plastic sleeves, and foil that scream “I contain science.” All those materials are petrochemical products. Higher crude prices → higher cost for plastic & packaging.
Distribution & Logistics
Velveeta doesn’t teleport. It rides trucks. It rides them far. Fuel prices tied to crude oil directly impact shipping costs. Especially for a product that can’t just “go local artisan” without betraying its nature.
Manufacturing Inputs
Velveeta is not bound by the laws of traditional cheese. It’s conjured in industrial vats using dairy derivatives, emulsifiers, and stabilizers — many of which are petrochemically derived or dependent on cheap energy.
Global Commodities Inflation
When Brent Crude jumps, it often drags other prices up with it in a deliciously awful feedback loop. That includes energy-intensive food processing sectors. Enter Velveeta.

So: Is there a direct one-to-one pricing correlation?

Nope. Velveeta isn’t listed on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange (yet). But… its price is indirectly influenced by oil, especially during spikes. It’s like they’re distant cousins at a family reunion, awkwardly eyeing each other from across the buffet table.